nameless and heartless. unable to love, unable to feel, just hopelessly watching her back disappears among the crowds

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a heart, that never will able to love again

Cheryl
YiTian
herts nuer
Winiline
Dearest Ah Mei x3
huiqing
Ver0n
Jia Lin
PeiShan
Eugene Pung
Angela
huiqi
emily
Stephanie
joy
kimberly

November 2008
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July 2013
August 2013
October 2013

if..

my secondary school life story..

sec 1, 2005, in clsas 1E8. knew pretty much friends. very happy.
sec 2, 2006, in clas 2E8, getting more friends, starting to slack around, failed exam.
dropped to 3N3.
sec 3, 2007. in class 3N3. 1st time feeling so lonely in class. no friends, no one to talk to. indepedence?..
sec 4, 2008. in class 4N3. much familier with classmates. have much more friends to hang out with. starting to understand friendship.

but, those will soon turn to history.
soon, 2010 approach., friends from express classes promoted and leave yuhua.
classmates and friends which i used to hang out with all went on and leave yuhua too.
the feeling of loneliness, coldness, the bitterness inside me, unable to use words to explain the feeling. what should i do?.

i knew negative thinking is unacceptable , but do u think i have a choice?.

now, one of my friend and my baby is qurrelling, and i can hardly do anything but to sit there, quietly and watch the 2 of them scolding each other. im starting to feel that im so useless. what can i do? nothing.

i know for myself, im not a good friend, student, buddy, child, brother, boyfriend, bestie, papa, kor, yeye. but., what else can i do?.. can i change?
it all seems to be crashing at me all at one go.

i only wan this loneliness to stop.. have abit more attention , people to care about me, just abit more.. but., it seems that.. its just wild thinking. i always believe that, a god gave you a life, u were made to get to ur goal before you go back to him. but.. when will i achieve my goal? what are my goal? . what is fate? .

god, dear god,. how i wish, you could take me away from this miserable world.
the suffering, the pain, the bitter lonliness is killing me . the unbearable feeling that i can never ignore..

my simple wish is people around me, to feel happy, save, secured.
how i wish, i was stronger, to protect my loved ones, to show them howmuch i cared.

but now.. everything seems to be too late..

if tomorrow never comes,
people, i just wanna say..
i love you

Labels: death, take me away