Friday, October 4, 2013
An sudden inspiration to write a story.
There was a fisherman whom was sailing on a fishing boat out in the sea. Before long, he caught a fish that what was in his eyes the most beautiful and perfect fish one could have ever seen. He placed the fish in the tank and admire it everyday.
The same fishing rod was however left untouched on the boat. With the bait removed, he have no intention to continue fishing as he was already satisfied with what he had, the most perfect and amazing fish in his life. The hook was submerged in the water but was not a concern to him as he knew that no other fishes will be stupid enough to be caught on the hook with no bait.
The fisherman admire the fish everyday, and became part of his life.
One day, like any other day, the fisherman was admiring his fish. Yet down below his boat lies a stupid fish that willingly allow itself to get hooked on. The dumb fish desperately pulls the rope of the rod, hoping to gain attention.
Every attempt to pull deepen the wound even more.
The fisherman saw the hook, but decided to ignore it, hoping that with zero attention placed on it, the fish will eventually swim away to avoid hurting it.
Yet, this fish have no boundaries in its stupidity and day by day, he kept pulling, and kept bleeding. It's lips were torn, desperately trying to stay alive and getting his attention just so he could go on board.
The end.
*This story have no proper end, or any conclusion behind.
12:49 AM
Thursday, August 15, 2013
I've finally understand the cruelty of fate in this world.
Time is only left to heal this scar left in me.
The future seems so dark that i can no longer see anything
It feels as thou, I've lost everything in this world, or was it because I had made you to be everything in my life?
Heart sank when those words were heard. The whole term ended with a blast.
Just when i thought happiness ever after, fate came crashing into my life and destroys all hope that i had.
This cold and hard fact came crashing right at my face.
Although i know, all these chances that i assumed to have are just the illusions that my inner desire created to blind me from the real world.
In the past, i had always thought that, i might be given a chance if im always being nice, to be there when she needs me. to be a supporting shoulder when required, to be someone she can fully depend on. I never once had any form of complain or reluctance when required to go extra miles for her, and i always thought that i can use my sincerity to move her.
Yet, I've never been so wrong.
It came crashing in with no form of holding back and tells me, i would never ever have a chance.
I tried to be strong, i held back my tears for as much as i can but to no vein.
I no longer have a will to live anymore. All along, i've only looked forward to your text, to see you smile.
Yet, i know that this chance will also soon be gone.
I really hope to put an end into this life.
This truth is too painful for me to face..
I'm really unsure anymore if time is able to heal this scar.
3 years just seems so short in this very instant.
Can my pain be comprehended?
I just cant believe tears are falling by just typing each lines where my heart instructs me to.
Fate, i really lost badly this time.
10:04 PM
Thursday, July 18, 2013
I just cried a little today,
im sorry
10:11 PM
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Kim jong kook's Dont be nice to me is a really soft and sad song that i felt can really relates to me..
its about a guy whom loves this girl, yet however, he knew that the girl doesnt shares the same feeling as he is with her. He often tries to forget this girl, but she has always been all nice and friendly to him that he couldnt help it but fall in love with her again. Although he know its impossible for them to be together,he cant help but to wish that she would stop being nice to him, hoping that over time, he could forget her..
But then again, who knows? Even if the girl stopped being nice to him now, would it change everything or would he still be the same, just that he even lost the oppunities to laugh so gracefully in front of the girl everytime he sees her.
1:08 PM
Friday, September 14, 2012
Been long since i've last blogged. Recently, i've been suffering from piles, which is a rather disgraceful disease due to constipation. Anwyay, its today when i'm forcing myself to eat my own bitter medicine that i realized something different between myself from the past and now. Its amazing how much i can change in just this short period of time. which is disappointing at the same time.
This illness i'm having now made me remember how different i was in the past and now. Remembering myself in my younger days when i had fever, i would immediately go to sleep and pray that fever would be gone when i wake up, which never once work, i would avoid eating medicine and sleep my way through until mum came back from work and start scolding me for not eating panadol myself. In the past, when i dont feel well, i would call my mum and notify her about my problem, she would then nag at me for abit and start to tell me what to do and so, everytime after hearing her voice, my heart soften and i feel this calm and warm sensation, and eventually i would start crying quietly without letting her know. when im sick, the first thing i wish for is mum by my side to take care of me. but that is hardly the case as she has to work. But that is now all the past.
Now that im feeling unwell, i managed myself, eat medicine n stuff, research on my own condition and gradually recover. In the end, my mum became the last person to know about my condition. Its so surprisingly and ironly how i would cry just by hearing her voice in the past and now, just not wanting her to know. it seems as thou i bear a hatred on her which should never exist. I always wanted to open up to her, but it is not as easy as it seems, there seems to be a force blocking me and preventing me to do so. could it be my pride itself?
i hate to admit, but i hold my pride strongly, which mix well in my way of living. It is a good thing, as my pride shines in the light which would not allow myself to commit crimes and what people calls ' bad things'. These prides became my principal of living and i'm committing to it. I have to say, i learnt all this from one of my clique buddy. He always said something like ' if i wont do it, i wont say it' kind of thing. Which impacts me a lot and have the urge to dedicate to this 'goal'. It seems to be working, thou, allowing myself to be nice to people, apologize when i'm in the wrong and stuff like that. That, is my pride, because i stay committed to myself and my way of living.
*Don't get me wrong, my pride is not equal to ego as ego represents being right at all times, not respecting other's decision or comments and self centered. My case is yet opposite as to what i have listed.
However, this pride has also backfired me in a way that i have a hard time communicating with my mum. We had a fight serveral months back due to some affairs and since then haven been talking to her much because i'm pissed and somehow declaring this ' cold-war' . However, thats not the end, this cold war never seems to end as overtime, my actions of ignoring and neglecting her became a form of rebilliation and addiction that it became a everyday thing in my life. i didnt talk much to my mum as thou i bear a big grudge against her. which was never true. now that i think about it, it all made sense. It is due to my pride again. As i mentioned, i will not apologize unless it is my fault. and even if its just a small part of my fault, i would still apologize because of my contribution. however, in this scenario, i fail to find any fault at myself in the previous fight, which made me unable to put an end to this war. I really do hope i can be like myself in the past with my family, opening up to her and all. but i'm afraid, it might never happen.
I certainly am aware of those sayings like' appreciate whats there for you before they are gone'. And i am certain one day, when my mum leave me *touch wood* i'll be devastated and wonder why am i such a failure son and regret for not putting in effort to love my mum as much. But, i'm stuck. I dont wish it would happen but i couldnt make myself to change.
I hope that the card, The Heriophant would guide me, enlighten me, wake me up from the shadows and become a better for myself.
6:05 PM
Friday, August 3, 2012
recently, things have been going way out of hand. unpleasent events occurs waves after waves, pounding onto the shorewalls. it affects me a lot, and i couldnt stand it as i couldnt make a change to it. The worst is that, it has completely nothing to do with me, and yet im so greatly affected by them.
all i wanna have is a peaceful and happy life. no sorrow, no problems, no trouble. just peace. but in order to achieve that, in order for me to be happy, my friends around me have to be free from problems as well. because its their happiness that makes me happy.
i cant believe im saying this here. but it seems i couldnt concentrate in my school work when such things occurs. Its not any1's fault in letting me know, i aint blamming, its just that, it is saddening to see such occrrences.
11:53 AM
Monday, May 14, 2012
Came across this rather meaningful post online and decided to share here..
[15 Things You Should Give Up To Be Happy]
1. Give up your need to always be right
There are so many of us who can’t stand the idea of being wrong – wanting to always be right – even at the risk of ending great relationships or causing a great deal of stress and pain, for us and for others. It’s just not worth it. Whenever you feel the ‘urgent’ need to jump into a fight over who is right and who is wrong, ask yourself this question: “Would I rather be right, or would I rather be kind?” Wayne Dyer. What difference will that make? Is your ego really that big?
2. Give up your need for control
Be willing to give up your need to always control everything that happens to you and around you – situations, events, people, etc. Whether they are loved ones, coworkers, or just strangers you meet on the street – just allow them to be. Allow everything and everyone to be just as they are and you will see how much better will that make you feel.
“By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond winning.” Lao Tzu
3. Give up on blame
Give up on your need to blame others for what you have or don’t have, for what you feel or don’t feel. Stop giving your powers away and start taking responsibility for your life.
4. Give up your self-defeating self-talk
Oh my. How many people are hurting themselves because of their negative, polluted and repetitive self-defeating mindset? Don’t believe everything that your mind is telling you – especially if it’s negative and self-defeating. You are better than that.
“The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive.” Eckhart Tolle
5. Give up your limiting beliefs
about what you can or cannot do, about what is possible or impossible. From now on, you are no longer going to allow your limiting beliefs to keep you stuck in the wrong place. Spread your wings and fly!
“A belief is not an idea held by the mind, it is an idea that holds the mind” Elly Roselle
6. Give up complaining
Give up your constant need to complain about those many, many, maaany things – people, situations, events that make you unhappy, sad and depressed. Nobody can make you unhappy, no situation can make you sad or miserable unless you allow it to. It’s not the situation that triggers those feelings in you, but how you choose to look at it. Never underestimate the power of positive thinking.
7. Give up the luxury of criticism
Give up your need to criticize things, events or people that are different than you. We are all different, yet we are all the same. We all want to be happy, we all want to love and be loved and we all want to be understood. We all want something, and something is wished by us all.
8. Give up your need to impress others
Stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not just to make others like you. It doesn’t work this way. The moment you stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not, the moment you take off all your masks, the moment you accept and embrace the real you, you will find people will be drawn to you, effortlessly.
9. Give up your resistance to change
Change is good. Change will help you move from A to B. Change will help you make improvements in your life and also the lives of those around you. Follow your bliss, embrace change – don’t resist it.
“Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls” Joseph Campbell
10. Give up labels
Stop labeling those things, people or events that you don’t understand as being weird or different and try opening your mind, little by little. Minds only work when open. “The highest form of ignorance is when you reject something you don’t know anything about.” Wayne Dyer
11. Give up on your fears
Fear is just an illusion, it doesn’t exist – you created it. It’s all in your mind. Correct the inside and the outside will fall into place.
“The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.” Franklin D. Roosevelt
12. Give up your excuses
Send them packing and tell them they’re fired. You no longer need them. A lot of times we limit ourselves because of the many excuses we use. Instead of growing and working on improving ourselves and our lives, we get stuck, lying to ourselves, using all kind of excuses – excuses that 99.9% of the time are not even real.
13. Give up the past
I know, I know. It’s hard. Especially when the past looks so much better than the present and the future looks so frightening, but you have to take into consideration the fact that the present moment is all you have and all you will ever have. The past you are now longing for – the past that you are now dreaming about – was ignored by you when it was present. Stop deluding yourself. Be present in everything you do and enjoy life. After all life is a journey not a destination. Have a clear vision for the future, prepare yourself, but always be present in the now.
14. Give up attachment
This is a concept that, for most of us is so hard to grasp and I have to tell you that it was for me too, (it still is) but it’s not something impossible. You get better and better at with time and practice. The moment you detach yourself from all things, (and that doesn’t mean you give up your love for them – because love and attachment have nothing to do with one another, attachment comes from a place of fear, while love… well, real love is pure, kind, and self less, where there is love there can’t be fear, and because of that, attachment and love cannot coexist) you become so peaceful, so tolerant, so kind, and so serene. You will get to a place where you will be able to understand all things without even trying. A state beyond words.
15. Give up living your life to other people’s expectations
Way too many people are living a life that is not theirs to live. They live their lives according to what others think is best for them, they live their lives according to what their parents think is best for them, to what their friends, their enemies and their teachers, their government and the media think is best for them. They ignore their inner voice, that inner calling. They are so busy with pleasing everybody, with living up to other people’s expectations, that they lose control over their lives. They forget what makes them happy, what they want, what they need….and eventually they forget about themselves. You have one life – this one right now – you must live it, own it, and especially don’t let other people’s opinions distract you from your path.
well, i personally think that, life is all about being happy. Whats the point of living life that is a total misery and sorrow?
find that this 15 quotes really make sense. Where i am able to relate to. Its hard, but its never impossible.
10:21 PM
